guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
