we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were destined to go to rehab together
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
