if i can run in heels then i can drive
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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