I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
