dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
