I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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