I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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