So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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