what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Couch. On fire.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
