Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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