moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
