My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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