i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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