We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
