dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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