Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
