Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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