somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
