Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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