how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your penis caused this!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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