Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
