I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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