My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
