This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
