so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
