did you get engaged???
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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