My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
