I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
