i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
