dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
