Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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