i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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