I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
