We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
