so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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