I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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