Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
