I love black thongs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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