How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
