lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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