3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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