Nicole vs. Life
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I want is dick and wine.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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