I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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