i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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