Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
