tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
