Soap is not a condiment
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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