Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
