How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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