I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
