my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
