I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
