well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
