my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
