there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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