apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
