I will die if light touches me.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
