i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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