Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
