Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
