did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
