therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
