Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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