everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm getting married
To pizza
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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