All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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