So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
