Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
