he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
